Dating is difficult / Time left

So i am now in relationship with a guy in my graduating class now, but its terrible cause in previous relationships i just chill and dont do much talking either. But now when i see him in the hall or hang out with him hes all like "Thats it?" or "I dont get a hi or a hug?" So I dont kno what to say mostly. Texting is another thing cause i will text for hours but i can form a simple sentence or conversation.

Also the next few months are going to be devastating if i can get my work together, i have to do a research paper and a presidential profile before the end of this school year. Which was brought to my attention to being 40-something days. I cant believe it either, I have to work extra hard to finish all the assignments for AP English as well to just barely pass the class.

Valentines Day

 The past few weeks i havent been able to type since my computer was being weird and i couldnt see the screen. And i have been without it i was only youtubing and tumblring from my Droid.
Also since today is valentines day and since i have no valentines im just gonna spend the rest of the day playing just dance 4 and eating ice cream XD. Im also gonna buy some games and stuff since i gots nothing better to do.

Febuary Sucks

This week sucks cause i got a paper to write and a girl in my class volunteered to be my peer editing partner and she gets really bitchy when i dont do the work so it makes me wonder why she does that when she knows im not as smart as every exaggerates. Also going thru this month before was easy but now all my friends got relationships and are rubbing it in my face..it sucks.Valentines Day will come up and ive lost my mega sweet, not like it fell out but i cant stand super sweet things anymore, but ill be damned if itll stop me from gorging on chocolates and ice cream. I usually get a box of chocolate and a rose from my grandfather and a hug from all my friends. This year feels like im gonna spend the day complaining bitterly with my grandma and goin out to get 2 tubs of sherbert and watchin disney movies. Sad how my life has messed me up so much. Not only has things been messed up while trying to get aa friend of mine to set me up with his friend i find out that he isnt single, and my friend figures that the boys brother is good enough...i wanted to hit him in the head. Though at this point i feel like i should stop trying, cause its pointless now and ill just make myself upset.
On another point i went to a Japanese language meeting at B&N Saturday.When we first got there we walked right past the group in the cafe and wandered to the manga and then to customer service. Due to how i get shy around new people i was speaking super quiet and nervous. And one dude there thought my sister was my daughter and i was like whoa, no. But It was fun,and i hope to increase my learning. As the meeting was ending the guys there felt as though i was familiar in some way or went to their school but they were all college students and stuff. (Hehe im mature lookin XD)Then my mom was really upset cause when it was time to pick us up she called and my phone was on vibrate and she got really upset due to a mall cop comin over sayin that she was in the way. But since we goin to the meeting again in 2weeks ill have everything thought out better.
Anywho, i hope the month goes by fast.

Worst Weekend

So i was told all thursday we have friday and monday off school and i was happy and ready to have fun and get some work done. Sadly, when i woke up at 5 am i was greeted by the grim reaper and the horrible god called mother nature. I spent all morning in pain and praying that i wouldnt die like Elvis Presley. Thank god for my grandma since my mom was useless for the beginning of the situation. I spent the whole day dry heaving and then eating small portions of food when i wanted to pig out. But after ridiculous amounts of pain killers and sleep i finally stopped feeling like i was dying. Spent my time texting friends since i couldnt sleep again and was bored till 3am.
Then today things was goin good, and i had began the work i was going to do yesterday along with some cleaning, then when i went for a tea break in the kitchen. I grabbed my usual mug, washed it, and while drying it..it slipped out my hand bounced off the stool and landed on the floor. I was still processing what happened and tried not to cry, i even knew what was gonna happen when i saw it bounce off the stool. Yet i cried anyway. I slowly walked to clean up the pieces of my mug and my mom started consoling me cause she knew i loved that mug. I dont know if my mom knows truly why i love that mug so much, but i love it cause i got it on a trip to the aquarium with my stepfather. Its not like he is dead or anything but i value him alot and we dont hang but im very sentimental about things im given. So after we got the mug on the table she said we could probably fix it with super glue or something since it broke into large pieces. I'd like to think of that possibility of having my mug back but it wont be the same. Truthfully i feel as though i might lose the memory of that day since i wont be able to use that mug now..But i still have teddy bears and other memories from the 10yrs of having him around. Hopefully the rest of this weekend will go smoother than it has so far.

What the hell

Finals are done and classes are setting to 2nd semester. My mom has decided that if i pass the 11th grade i get my jeep and get to try band next yr but if not then i wait another yr without a job and i go to summer school. Not only are classes changing but soon all my senior friends and my school brother will be gone onto their own lives. Many are friendships that arent functional by internet, some are filled with uncertainty of what the future holds for said friendship. I plan to work hard even though im the only one out of my friends who have a future goal that they can accomplish and have set. Working toward a job/career is one thing i cant manage cause the goals that are set feel unreachable because i procrastinate too much and slide through life. I live like a hard worker but dream as a slacker who parties their life and future away. Yesterday morning i saw some guys on my bus smoking and laughing like they dont care if they get caught, through the course of the day i saw multiple couples acting as if nobody was around them and though it made me sick it made me realize some stupid crap that makes me think of how one day i could die suddenly and have lived my life being walked over and by teenager terms a "lame" or not really living life to the fullest..not saying that i wanna do some stupid stuff while yelling "YOLO" or something stupid but just enjoy life more than wasting it tolerating people i hate or being a doormat for other people who live life rather than study but can ace a test without doing any work while i work my ass off......Sorry i got abit upset there but, still something id like to do this year is to better my attitude and speak up for myself.

NEWW

I FINALLY GOT ALICE IN MADNESS!!!!! ive waited so long to get it. Its been fun playing it but the riddles or just the wonderland speak gets to me and my mind is stuck for awhile. I also got a text from a friend about goin to her place for a sleepover, but my momma sick and she need my assistance. This morning on my web checks for games and updates on manga i found this http://www.rinmarugames.com/playgame.php?gameid=307  XD its so cute!! im goin to make so many different scenarios with this, hopefully to inspire my inner artist.

Strange

Im just feeling some type of way today. I was tired this morning but pretty normal like i usually am, yet as i road on the bus home i was pumped and happy. But when i started enjoying some more of G-Dragon's songs i find =>
when  i watched it i was like wait a minute how is it so somber but its got a bleep. As i searched the english translation, it was very sad to me. She was so hopelessly blind in love and didnt notice the things going on,and i began thinking....id like to be blind in love too. I havent ever thought of love as a useful thing but it would be nice, right? i mean now-a-days its not all about procreation and stuff, its got love involved. Sometimes it doesnt workout but it still happened and you have happy memories and the experience. I'd like to be able to have that, even if im hurt terribly it would be nice. Im a little down in the love songs now, even though ive only had slight experiences of crushes  and no ability to fully express emotion without thinking of the consequence of being mocked, id love to express my love to someone but in the moment where i actually have the chance i wont open my mouth so it can be heard. I almost pray i get the courage to voice my emotion when it truly counts and im with my soulmate so i dont lose my one chance.