Worst Weekend

So i was told all thursday we have friday and monday off school and i was happy and ready to have fun and get some work done. Sadly, when i woke up at 5 am i was greeted by the grim reaper and the horrible god called mother nature. I spent all morning in pain and praying that i wouldnt die like Elvis Presley. Thank god for my grandma since my mom was useless for the beginning of the situation. I spent the whole day dry heaving and then eating small portions of food when i wanted to pig out. But after ridiculous amounts of pain killers and sleep i finally stopped feeling like i was dying. Spent my time texting friends since i couldnt sleep again and was bored till 3am.
Then today things was goin good, and i had began the work i was going to do yesterday along with some cleaning, then when i went for a tea break in the kitchen. I grabbed my usual mug, washed it, and while drying it..it slipped out my hand bounced off the stool and landed on the floor. I was still processing what happened and tried not to cry, i even knew what was gonna happen when i saw it bounce off the stool. Yet i cried anyway. I slowly walked to clean up the pieces of my mug and my mom started consoling me cause she knew i loved that mug. I dont know if my mom knows truly why i love that mug so much, but i love it cause i got it on a trip to the aquarium with my stepfather. Its not like he is dead or anything but i value him alot and we dont hang but im very sentimental about things im given. So after we got the mug on the table she said we could probably fix it with super glue or something since it broke into large pieces. I'd like to think of that possibility of having my mug back but it wont be the same. Truthfully i feel as though i might lose the memory of that day since i wont be able to use that mug now..But i still have teddy bears and other memories from the 10yrs of having him around. Hopefully the rest of this weekend will go smoother than it has so far.

What the hell

Finals are done and classes are setting to 2nd semester. My mom has decided that if i pass the 11th grade i get my jeep and get to try band next yr but if not then i wait another yr without a job and i go to summer school. Not only are classes changing but soon all my senior friends and my school brother will be gone onto their own lives. Many are friendships that arent functional by internet, some are filled with uncertainty of what the future holds for said friendship. I plan to work hard even though im the only one out of my friends who have a future goal that they can accomplish and have set. Working toward a job/career is one thing i cant manage cause the goals that are set feel unreachable because i procrastinate too much and slide through life. I live like a hard worker but dream as a slacker who parties their life and future away. Yesterday morning i saw some guys on my bus smoking and laughing like they dont care if they get caught, through the course of the day i saw multiple couples acting as if nobody was around them and though it made me sick it made me realize some stupid crap that makes me think of how one day i could die suddenly and have lived my life being walked over and by teenager terms a "lame" or not really living life to the fullest..not saying that i wanna do some stupid stuff while yelling "YOLO" or something stupid but just enjoy life more than wasting it tolerating people i hate or being a doormat for other people who live life rather than study but can ace a test without doing any work while i work my ass off......Sorry i got abit upset there but, still something id like to do this year is to better my attitude and speak up for myself.

NEWW

I FINALLY GOT ALICE IN MADNESS!!!!! ive waited so long to get it. Its been fun playing it but the riddles or just the wonderland speak gets to me and my mind is stuck for awhile. I also got a text from a friend about goin to her place for a sleepover, but my momma sick and she need my assistance. This morning on my web checks for games and updates on manga i found this http://www.rinmarugames.com/playgame.php?gameid=307  XD its so cute!! im goin to make so many different scenarios with this, hopefully to inspire my inner artist.

Strange

Im just feeling some type of way today. I was tired this morning but pretty normal like i usually am, yet as i road on the bus home i was pumped and happy. But when i started enjoying some more of G-Dragon's songs i find =>
when  i watched it i was like wait a minute how is it so somber but its got a bleep. As i searched the english translation, it was very sad to me. She was so hopelessly blind in love and didnt notice the things going on,and i began thinking....id like to be blind in love too. I havent ever thought of love as a useful thing but it would be nice, right? i mean now-a-days its not all about procreation and stuff, its got love involved. Sometimes it doesnt workout but it still happened and you have happy memories and the experience. I'd like to be able to have that, even if im hurt terribly it would be nice. Im a little down in the love songs now, even though ive only had slight experiences of crushes  and no ability to fully express emotion without thinking of the consequence of being mocked, id love to express my love to someone but in the moment where i actually have the chance i wont open my mouth so it can be heard. I almost pray i get the courage to voice my emotion when it truly counts and im with my soulmate so i dont lose my one chance.