Hate myself

I miss out on alot in life, because of my lack of straight-forwardness if you understand what i mean...i dont have the courage or independence to do things that need to be done or do it alone. I also forget things way too much nowadays, i dont know whats wrong with me..wether it be the heat or my mind is wandering too much. Somethings gotta change, and its gonna change this summer. I know my momma gonna curse me out cause i didnt get my gometry final done, even if i explain how its the administrators who didnt let me leave out of the auditorium to get my teacher, or that they said it was too late and the grades were in. I might loose alot of electronics and books, i might not even be able to have the summer i want.I feel sick thinking about how my mom will react when my grandma tells her, cause thats the person whos gonna say it the most....Im screwed! Even tho i explained how i can take it again she doesnt care, she says itll look bad on my transcript and i wont get into a good college or something..she makes it hard to be a high schooler let alone all the pressure to achieve like all the smart ppl i hang with. She gets upset about how i dont apply myself when she knows i can do it, if i dont do it it doesnt interest or motivate me, but she doesnt seem to understand or care unless i work hard..i know she wants best for me but im tired of it.